I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
