Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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