we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
