okay pat passed out under dana's car
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
