I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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