I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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