Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
