Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
