Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
