he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
