I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
