dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
