Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
