he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
