never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize