Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
