Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
