I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
