Me. At least after what I've been through.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
