Screwed.edu
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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