I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She bit a glass in half.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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