Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
