i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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