Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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