Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
