well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize