At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
