ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
