Screwed.edu
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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