you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize