i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
