Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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