Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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