wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
