I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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