I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
