My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My feet surprised me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
