Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
