Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
