I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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