now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
