I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
