i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
