Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
