i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
