thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
