The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
