I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
