good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
