1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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