I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
