At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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