i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
