you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
