I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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