One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
