i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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