ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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