Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
