I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
