$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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