He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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