we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
