you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
