She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
