Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
