ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
