HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
