She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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