The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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