I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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