Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
