Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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