she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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